A true story of Diana who wants to remain anonymous but is willing to share her journey of overcoming the pain of miscarriage and the road towards hope and recovery.
What do you do for a living?
I am an Administrative Officer and I have been in this role for almost 4 years.
What was your best achievement in your workplace?
Planning and organization of our just ended General Assembly and launching of our new building. These were 2 major activities that attracted high levels dignitaries all over West Africa.
What do you do for fun?
Hanging out with friends and listening to music.
What makes you happy most?
I love reaching out to people who are in need and helping out when I can.
Are you married? For how long?
Yes I am. We have been married for almost 12 years.
Were you planning to start a family before the miscarriage?
Yes and the miscarriage was my second conception, a long awaited pregnancy, which only came six years after my first child.
What’s the period between when you got married and when you first conceived?
One (1) month
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How did you know you had miscarried?
My miscarriage was not a surprise as the doctor had prepared my mind. It all started when I was 8 weeks into the pregnancy. I had malaria and decided to see my doctor. He examined me and told me the signs were not good for my pregnancy as there was no big progress since my last visit. He treated the malaria but just after that, I observed spots of blood discharges which later became profuse. The doctor decided that I visit him every week for him to monitor the progress of the pregnancy. The news he was giving me were not promising so he was preparing my mind for the worse.
I remembered that Saturday I was so bored and restless. My husband was out but luckily for me, a cousin and a friend visited me. Since I was so bored, I decided to have some walk and see my cousin off. My friend and I finally ended up in my cousin’s house. I spent some time there and just when I decided to leave for home, I felt some strong contractions. I visited their washroom to assess what was going on. I felt a strong push and all I could see was a splash of blood, followed by the fetus. I knew I had lost the pregnancy….
How old was the pregnancy?
What was going through your mind after it happened?
I can say I was relieved that night because the reports I was getting from my doctor were rather traumatizing me. I was anxious before the miscarriage; I slept very well that night. I was not traumatized by the loss but rather by the pain and clinical interventions. The doctor had to clean my womb and I was put on general anesthesia. Waking up from that sleep, I asked myself so many questions about life and our human existence; For me, that was the most painful part of a miscarriage: – the pain it comes with and the effect of the Anastasia on your emotion.
What questions did you ask the doctor after the miscarriage?
I asked him whether my womb was ok. He told me not to worry that everything was perfect. I was not too worried about future conceptions. No! I was positive. I thanked God for what happened as only Him knew the future. I already had a “special need child” (my first child) and that itself had a toll on me so I didn’t want to have any child that was going to give me more stress. This was my prayer.
What support did you get from husband / family / friends?
Yes, my husband was very supportive from the day I was told I may lose the pregnancy till the time I lost it. My mum was always counseling me, sharing her experiences with me and she offered to keep our first child with her until I recovered fully.
Did you get professional counselling?
I didn’t need that so I didn’t look for any.
How did you deal with the occurrence from your own personal end?
I will say the doctor prepared my mind and that helped me a lot. The miscarriage didn’t come as a surprise to me. Personally, I always tell myself that as a Christian, I am not the controller of my life. I believe in God and trust him to always give me what is good for me. I don’t know but I was convinced I was going to have another child. Though the next pregnancy delayed, I was able to conceive and have another child.
What encouragement will you give to any woman out there going through a similar situation?
Never despair. Note that your life is more important than that of the unborn child so miscarriage is not the end of the world. As it is said in an African Proverb, “It doesn’t matter how old a jar is. Once it is not broken, one can always put water in”, You may have struggled before conceiving but everything is possible for those who trust God. He holds the future.