Women are always getting harassed for not being married at a certain age. They are getting harassed for not knowing how to cook Jollof. They get harassed at home, in the church, on radio, at work, in school and even on the street. The harassments can take the form of mild reminders to scathing remarks directly in one’s face or indirectly through a friend.
Honestly it’s getting tiring and old. When I wrote the post about ‘The King Who Married Gifty Anti’ , the post received a lot of attention and views. My second highest viewed post I must say. Then I went on other websites which had published stories about the wedding and couldn’t help but wince at some very immature disparaging comments from mostly men about the wedding.
Aside being harassed, some women are also placing themselves under unnecessary pressure to settle down because their peers who just graduated last year are getting married. Both conditions are causing many women to say yes to anything in trousers, which comes their way.
But how many people are also advising today’s woman on which man to say yes to? Or are they just saying yes to any man because of the pressure and harassment?
As a woman you have a choice to accept or reject a man’s proposal. Its not by-force to say yes to any man. Surely you also know the kind of man you would want to spend the rest of your life with? Or it doesn’t matter? Trust me, it matters paaa.
This post is for any woman out there who is looking to enter a relationship which will lead into marriage. If you are only interested in being ‘ Friends With Benefits’ then don’t read on. I sincerely believe that every relationship is to be enjoyed with all the right ingredients which will lead to an even more enjoyable marriage. To get that enjoyment depends very much on the choices you make such as who you decided to be with. Like my Pastor would say, ‘Marriage is to be Enjoyed not Endured.’
Benjamin Franklin was a very wise man. He made this profound quote on marriage-
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”
Unfortunately today we see the opposite. Dr. Mensa Otabil also reiterated this in his devotional guide, ‘Living Word’ that today, most people go into marriage with their eyes half shut, and keep it wide open afterwards. Get it?
Keep your eyes wide open about the man you say yes to. If he falls into the following categories then you need to think twice.
1. The Constant ‘Chiller’
Is he constantly out with his boys or always hitting the club & pubs after work? He cant spare quality time with you but prefers nights out in noisy clubs. Monday to Saturday its one party or the other. Such a guy will find it hard to spend time getting to know you. He spends a lot of money on such nights out which can end up making him financially unstable. Will he be able to stay home with his family or will he be found out chilling unable to bond with his kids and wife? It might seem fun in the beginning but to be honest, you can get easily worn down with all those activities.
2. Mr. Irresponsible
He is living with his parents at 30years. He decides not to go to work on certain days. He relies on his parents to sort him out with cash and doesn’t lend a hand to duties at home. Whenever you visit him, open your eyes to his environment. Why is he still living with his parents? Why does he give a lot of excuses for not going to work? Does he spend unwisely? He spends about 90% of his salary on flashy things and he has no investment plans in place. Open your eyes wide.
3. Mr. Secretive
A man who is secretive about everything cant be trusted. He hides everything from you so much that you aren’t even sure who he really is. His phone rings and he quickly flips over the screen so you don’t see who is calling. He never lets you visit him on your own, unless he takes you there himself. What is he hiding from you?
4. Mr. Liar/ Denier
How would you feel when he introduces you to his friends as his ‘friend’ ? Especially if you know you have agreed to date him. Painful isnt it? If it’s too late and you have already slept with him then double the pain. By then you should know its not just you. There is someone else in the picture. Or his denial of who you really are is a sign that he is non-committal. A liar and denier. Definitely someone you should not agree to date. He is not going to stop lying or denying matters.
You can’t change him. Pray for him rather.
5. Mr. Disrespectful
When you visit him, observe how he treats his mother or sisters. A man who is disrespectful to the women in his family is not going treat you any better. He might pretend to be nice to you, but sooner or later his true colors will come out. Does he share mean and insulting stories about his parents to you? He is dishonoring them to you. A good man doesn’t do that. He honors both parents. Does he speak disrespectfully or ridicule you in public? Sneering at the way you dress or how you act in public?
This definitely wouldn’t be a man you should say yes to at any stage of your relationship.
6. Mr Narcissist
A guy who ‘feels’ himself paa or who thinks you should bow and worship the ground he walks on because of his looks is one you should definitely avoid. I met a guy who had just completed his doctoral housemanship who told me that he knows he’s finer than I am. I guess you know how things ended. Very short. A narcissist will never compliment you on how you look especially when you have gone the extra mile to look nice for him. He is more concerned about how he looks and will ask you why you aren’t complimenting him. Its always about him.
This makes him arrogant as he considers himself better than everyone else. Stay far away.
7. Mr. Chisel
Its good for a man to be money-conscious and to have a financial goal in mind. But a stingy man is definitely a man you don’t want to go out with. He is chisel beyond words. He may have a good job which pays him well but he is always complaining of not having enough to even take you out. Such a man will not take up his mantle as a father to provide for his new family.
8. Mr. BossPlayer
The one guy who hunts down multitude of women at the same time. Even when you are with him, he is busy ogling a woman who just passed by. He cant decide on which woman he wants to be with. When he gets a call he has to go speak elsewhere even with you around. Even his friends tell you that he is a player. Do you walk in or walk out?
9. Mr. Anger
Is he the kind of man with an anger management problem? The kind which sees him saliva-spitting in your face because of a little disagreement? Watch that one very carefully! A man who cannot control his temper in the littlest of disagreements can intimidate and cause you mental stress.
Always be aware of such characters displayed by the men you come across during your singlehood. Its good to be just friends with a man who comes your way. This will enable you to know who he really is as both of you aren’t forced to show your best sides like most dating people do. Keep your eyes wide open and observe him. If you like what you see, then go ahead and say yes!