This one is for all single men of all races. Someone ask me why this topic. Anyone asking? Well, I keep hearing and reading of the high divorce rates in Ghana and often the reasons for these divorces often makes me wonder how the two lovebirds got through 3 years of dating and courtship only to get separated after a year or two of marriage. She changed after the wedding‘, ‘We couldn’t communicate anymore,’ are just examples of some reasons for divorce given by the now embittered ex-lovebirds. A question I would like to ask you guys is, What questions did you ask yourself before you popped the question? Were you only captivated by her coca-shaped body or her size DD cups that you spoke before thinking? Or is it the way she cooks your favorite meal which is just like the way momma cooks it? Or perhaps, you ate the forbidden fruit and just didn’t want to share it? Now after some months and years you are wondering whether you made the right choice.

Well if you haven’t yet popped the question and plan to do so I would advise you ask yourself these simple but very important questions. If you come with ‘No’ being the majority I am not saying leave the relationship oh! Get to know each other better more, it will save you a lifetime of pain and unnecessary stress.

 

1. Is She a Dream Killer or Supporter?

How supportive is she of your dream of being a journalist, a videographer, an IT specialist, a cocoa farmer or your plans to leave the banking job to become a startup entrepreneur in branding? Does she think you are making a mistake of leaving your prestigious job at the bank or white collar job to pursue your vision as an entrepreneur? Or she gives you ideas on how to make this vision a reality? Does she challenge you when you feel discouraged about this vision or adds more negativity to make you more sour? Ask yourself why she is killing your dream if that’s what you realize. Does she want to be known as the wife of Kojo the Banker so much that she can’t imagine being called the wife of
Kojo the IT guy? Is she making you to be a better person and inspiring you to greater heights? A good wife is one who is supportive of her husband. She is like a pillar for the family. She is selfless and is always there for her man no matter what.
 

2. Is She Someone I can Communicate with?

I cant stress enough about the importance of communication in relationships whether its at the workplace or home. Its a crazy important cornerstone in relationships which if ignored or not maintained can lead to the relationship structure come crushing down! Do you see your future wife or your girlfriend as someone you can share your fears, dreams, hopes & plans with? Or when you do share with her, does she ridicule you and encourages you? Does she inspire or conspire? Does she share her life with you as well or she keeps secrets from you. Are you able to tell her how you feel about a situation or when she does something you dont like? Or do you keep it bottled up and get pent up with frustration? Many men find it difficult opening up about their feelings when they are hurt and end up building poisonous potions of bitter feelings within. Does she also tell you when she is hurt? Some women expect men to know when they are hurt. They use body language and expect the men to ‘read their minds’ which i know for sure is high impossible 🙂 Can you talk about money issues or she hides her earnings from you?
 

3. In Poverty or Riches

The last time you told her about not being able to buy her that bag she had been eyeing, how did she respond? Graciously or disdainfully? I met a guy recently who told me about how his newly married wife made his life a living hell when he started having financial difficulties. Constant insults about how he wasnt a man and how ‘useless’ he was, was a common exchange every night. He took off after 2 years. Many Ghanaian women are slowly and gradually developing ‘expensive’ tastes for high consumable goods especially those who arent working to afford and if they are working still choose luxury over everything else. I heard of how one fine gentleman met a beautiful well-sought after single lady working in one of the banks and he fell head over heels in love with her. Soon she made him leave his aunt whom he was staying with to rent a 2 bedroom apartment. Her comments when she first came there was, ‘Baby.. you need a Plasma TV, change the ceiling to POP, this carpet is too cheap..you could do with a better Home Theater setup.’ The guy immediately knew it wouldnt be long before he is financially drained and in the future he would be having issues. He dogged her. You should know the sort of woman you are with. Is she a spender? Can you deal with her constant and weekly visits to the salon for hair, skin and nail care? Are you going to be okay with her shoe and bag fetish? Does she also share in paying for things? Or are you left to pay for everything from her lingerie to personal care. A financially stable woman who can offer to pay for bills and other domestic items which concerns the two of you is someone you know will be there for you when your finances are shaky.
 

4. Team Vampires v Team Wolverine

How different are you? There is nothing wrong with differences between two people. Perfectly natural. But are you aware of her sloppiness whereby you always like the Pepsodent to be placed in a certain way? Does she love cats whilst you love dogs but have a cat allergy? People have gotten divorced for the weirdest reasons just because they couldnt put up with a certain attitude of their partner. Get to know these things and ask yourself how long you can put up with her having to brush her teeth before she can kiss you in the morning.

 5. Is She Respectful? Can i Deal with Her Attitude?

A woman with attitude problems is a challenge for any man. How does she behave with her family members? Does she honor her parents or blame them for everything wrong in her life? Is she respectful to her future in-laws or does she try to turn you against them? Does she respect you as a man or belittles you for wrong decisions you might have taken in the past? When you have arguments, does she shout & hang up the phone or responds in a respectful manner? My girlfriend told me about a newly married couple who were having marital issues after 2 years of marriage. So according to the story, the lady called up her in-laws at 1am to tell them to ‘talk to their son because if they don’t, he will be very sorry!’ Don’t think she will change after you get married if you get a preview of such attitude before you pop the question.

There are more questions you can ask yourself as a man before you take that important step in your life.  Is she a God-fearing woman? A praying couple stays together and if you can pray with her then there is no challenge you cannot overcome. Can we do things together? A boring marriage can be very….boring. Do you have some hobbies in common? Maybe watch the Premiership League together, cook a favorite meal together, go for a walk, play a board game or on more quiet days read your favourite books? This will bring a sense of newness in your everyday lives. Do you want children? How many? You should know these things beforehand because for all you know she is not interested in having kids. Or maybe she wants only 1 whilst you want 3.

Its also plausible that you may have asked yourself all these questions and yet still have issues after marriage. Some people change after marriage, either she does or you yourself. Like a friend of mine said on her wedding day, ‘After all, I have gotten what i want so why should i bother’.

I would like to know your thoughts on this so please feel free and comment 🙂

 

5 COMMENTS

  1. Number 4 is pretty surprising but I've heard of such tales. I think it usually indicates an underlying problem.

  2. that's true Jerome. differences though minor can lead to one partner getting fed up with its occurrence.

  3. Naa, you forgot to add the question; "We i deal with her parents?" some women, my wife included are strong believers in the fact that marriage brings families together and thus encourage or even insist on forging closer relationships with their parents. The parents on the other hand can be "nosey-pokers" especially in their girl children's marriages. So for me when dating, its a must that you gauge the vibe you getting from the ladys parents.

    all your other 5 points are on point though. if youve got your eyes open, after dating for about 6 months you can answer all these questions and make a proper choice.

    Marriage is a life long journey, the wedding is just the naming ceremony.

  4. this is something you would see not just in the African society but all cultures as well. It lies on the individual to be able to control parental influence. some people are so reliant on their parents for many things that even after marriage it's difficult to become independent. life 🙂

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